Borderline Retarded

Thursday, April 27, 2006

My husband and I took the brood to the Sacramento Railway Museum this weekend. I had been looking forward to this trip for about 6 weeks now. I could not wait to see the look on old baby's face when he saw real life choo choo trains!

The first thing we did was watch a movie about the railways in the US. Old baby was so much fun - he kept shouting "CHOO CHOO TRAINS!" and "Puh Zat?" (What's That?) and anything else he could recognize "MOON!", "COW!". The volunteer who did the introduction before the movie started was so cute - he couldn't have been more than 17 years old. New baby started crying as soon as we sat down, he was ready for a bottle. The volunteer looked at me and said in a stage whisper "you can step outside if you need to". I almost snickered at him, but I kept myself in check. What was a crying baby going to do? Distract people from the gripping plotline? There were probably 10 other people in the theater besides us, half of whom were young
children. I don't think anyone was going to be asking for their money back - oh wait, that's right - it was FREE. As soon as I got the bottle ready he settled in to feed and all was well.

We tromped around looking at all the beautiful engines, some were just spectacular looking. The museum has changed a bit since I was there last. Of course, we're talking 15 years at least since I've been there. The mannequins they use startled me from time to time. I would round a corner and apologize for almost running into a person who ended up being a mannequin! One of the problems I had was keeping old baby from climbing onto all of the trains. Most of them only had a velvet rope closing them off, and he didn't understand why he couldn't climb on.

We headed upstairs to look at all the model and toy trains. This ended up being a very bad idea, as they had the entire Island of Sodor set up with Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends! Old baby was in the zone linking up about 15 trains and pushing them along the track. He could have played there for literally 15 hours. After 20 minutes, we decided to move on, and that's when the cranky 2 year old tantrum started. We were able to quiet him momentarily at the gift shop, and mommy plunked down some cash and bought him two trains, a wooden track and a wallet to hold all of the Thomas cards that come with the trains.

I thought maybe we were going to be able to grab some lunch, but old baby decided to break away as we got outside and ran directly into the street. My husband and I were both flabbergasted that he ignored both of us yelling at him to stop and just took off like that. Luckily, we were not on a main road and there were no cars coming. My husband explained to him that either he could walk holding hands the rest of the time, or he would be carried. This set off the tired cranky boy, and we decided to skip lunch and just head home. I felt so badly that the day had ended this way. We tried to cheer each other up on the ride home, and old baby zonked right out.

I hope I can take old baby there again soon - maybe make an earlier start next time so we can leave closer to his nap time. The Amtrak leaves from Suisun, which is just a short drive, and goes to the Railway museum. That sounds like fun to me!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Oh, The Memories!

I read two posts today that have brought back a couple of memories I had forgotten about.
So thanks Shamus and Jerk!

My last job was working for a general engineering contractor in St. Helena. They were a company filled with good ol' boys, and had been around since 1917. I grew up in Napa, but even that didn't prepare me for the small town experience that is St. Helena. Everybody knows everybody. My co-worker Mary Lee once told me she could never have an affair because the entire town would know before her panties hit the floor. St. Helena is an interesting mix of town folk and mountain folk. One thing I did notice was that the further north you head, past Calistoga and into Clearlake, the people get less normal, and more, I guess you could call it, militia.

I was working in the front office dispatching gravel trucks one day, minding my own business, when one of the teamsters came into the office. I can't even remember exactly how the conversation started, but before I knew it I was embroiled in this diatribe about the 7 richest people running the whole world, and how the eye above the pyramid on US currency is their symbol; the "all seeing eye". I'm going to guess that I gave him a good 20 minutes of my time, because I am a very sweet person and I have trouble telling people to go to hell. I think I ended the conversation by turning my back to him and walking out of the building! I remember walking into our adjoining office and saying "I just had the dumbest conversation of my entire life!". I'm pretty sure I kept swearing under my breath for the rest of the day. What's even scarier is this guy has 5 kids, 2 are his and 3 are his wife's. They were thinking of having her tubes un-tied so they could have more! I think he's trying to start his own cult.

The other story takes place when I was about 16 years old. I went to the wedding of one of my 2nd cousins. My family is rather large, and we are all very close. I went with my grandmother and two of my aunts, my parents did not go. After the ceremony, we were waiting outside the church while all the photos were being taken. I was sitting under a tree, trying to keep cool. This older man came over and started a conversation. He asked where I lived, and I told him Napa. He mentioned that he used to live in Napa. This is where the conversation took a nasty turn. He said that he lived out in the country, and sometimes people would come out and start asking questions. He knew several people who worked for the mob, and there were always people coming around looking for information. Well, after these people would leave, he would make a phone call and sometimes these people would end up driving off a cliff. They weren't murdered, mind you, it was just an accident. I decided at that point that the best course of action was to keep my trap shut - I sure as hell wasn't going to ask this guy any questions! I actually started shaking a bit, I think I had a nervous sweat going on. I sat on my hands to keep them still. After another couple of minutes, I started to look around because I thought for sure I would find a hidden camera somewhere, and any second now people were going to jump out of the bushes and tell me I was on Candid Camera. I don't know if my Aunt Julie could smell the fear-sweat emanating from me, but she finally came to my rescue and grabbed me away. She asked me if I was OK, and gave me a hug. I think I started laughing hysterically for about a minute, then started crying. I couldn't sleep for weeks after that, worried that the mob was after me.

All this because my parents raised me to be a "good kid" and always respect my elders!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

My 2 year old son told me what was what at dinner last night.

He had dropped his fork on our not-so-sparkling kitchen floor. I jumped up and grabbed him a clean one, which apparently brought down the wrath of the pancakes God (Yes, he was having pancakes for dinner!).

After explaining to him in a very calm manner that he was not getting the old fork back because it was dirty, he glared at me with furrowed brow and said: "Go UP Mommy! Go UP!".

I take that as the 2 year old equivalent of "Up Yours".

I looked at my husband with a smile on my face, because, well, I thought it was hilarious that my son was cursing me out. My husband had a similar story from a few days ago. I try really hard not to laugh at the boy, but it is soooooo hard sometimes! You just can't take him seriously!

My husband was not amused, and the boy ended up going to his bedroom for a few minutes while we finished dinner.

I am constantly amazed at the language and usage of said language that young children pick up. They really do pay attention to everything you say. We try very hard to always behave in a respectful manner towards each other and to the children, but I can see the influence that others have over my kids. Actually, try is the wrong word. My husband and I don't need to work at being respectful towards each other, it just comes naturally. It makes me realize even more how much work is involved with being a parent. You have to stay on top of everything your child does from such a young age. Otherwise, others will be able to undermine you at every move.

The rewards of parenthood are worth the effort!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Lilypie 1st Birthday PicLilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

You can click on the meter itself and it will direct you to to create your own meter. (We'll see how long it takes for the hubby to dicover the picture....I will probably remove that by the end of the day)

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Diarrhea, cha cha cha.

I knew it!!

Thank you, God, for keeping me humble and reminding me that I am a sinner.

Things were going so well, and I just had to brag about it.

3:00 am Tuesday morning rolled around, and poor little old Robyn was sicker than a dog. We're talking Depeche Mode Cowboy here!

Even in my sickly state, I was still brought to joy by this announcement from my 2 year old son, "Mommy, I pooped". He patted his little backside while informing me of his condition. He has never let me know when he needed a diaper changed before. This was huge! Well, it just goes to show that I am easily excitable.

Unfortunately I still needed to drag my ass into work. There was so much paperwork to enter before payroll could be sent. It would have been nearly impossible to try and explain everything over the phone to Maria. It was 10:30 before I left the house. I made it to work without any problems. I was pretty miserable once I got there though. The stomach cramps were terrible. I stuck it out until the final payroll hours were sent in at 1:00, then I split. I was afraid I was going to have to pull over in the middle of Jamison Canyon to be sick, but luckily there was a big empty plastic soda cup in the car from an A's game. I should probably throw that out.

I stopped at the grocery store and bought some soup and crackers, and Pepto Bismol. I made it home. I ate a little soup. I slammed some Pepto. I went to bed.

After sleeping for about three hours, I woke up feeling much better. I only had a few queasy moments the rest of the night.

My sister-in-law called us later that evening to let us know everyone in their house was sick as well. It sounded like the same bug I had.

So, I ended up dropping new baby off twice this week with my brother-in-law. After such a good start, the rest of the week has totally gone to crap!

Monday, April 17, 2006

It's quiet. Too, too quiet.

This morning has gone really well. So well in fact, that now I am totaly suspiscious that something really, really, really f'd up is going to happen.

Today is the first day that my brother-in-law is watching new baby. He lives in Napa, so I need to drop old baby off at day care in Fairfield, drive into Napa and drop new baby off by 7:30, then drive back out of Napa to work (I work out by the Napa airport). Miraculously, I made everybody's drop off's on time!

I even would have gotten out of bed at 5:15 if my husband and I hadn't decided to start cuddling. Cuddling leads to kissing and we all know what kissing leads too! Well, even after being RUDELY interrupted by a 2 year old with an uncanny ability to bust down the door at the most unfortunate times, I still managed to get myself and both kids out the door by 6:40.

Now, I am trying very hard not to gloat, because the last time I did that, this happened.

Like I said, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Of course, I might just buy a lottery ticket....

Friday, April 14, 2006

This was an e-mail a friend sent me earlier today - I am still laughing!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect you r memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Something Rotten in the State of Denmark

And by Denmark, I mean my minivan.

Sumthin ain't right.

I knew something was up yesterday morning, but it wasn't enough to grab my attention. When I left work yesterday afternoon, I opened the car door and got a big whiff of what I'm guessing is rotten milk from a lost sippy-cup. I threw open all the doors and searched all over that damn car to find the culprit. Even though it was pouring rain, I searched everywhere. Nuthin.

I drove away with the windows cracked open, and as the stink dissipated, I promptly forgot all about it.

This morning, I opened the front door with old baby in tow to bright sunshine - an absolutely glorious day! I opened the van door and practically passed out! OH MY GOD IT SMELLS SOOOOOO BAD! I drove with the windows down for a couple of blocks, but had to roll them up when we hit the freeway. I got to work and re-checked everything. I still can't find the culprit! I even made my poor friend Maria search through. I figured if anyone could find it, Maria could. She said she couldn't even smell anything. Am I going crazy?

I guess my hubby is going to have to do a search when I get home. Poor bastard.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

We are all sick.

Even the baby.


I am finally feeling better today - but I am so congested I sound like such a moron when I talk. I know, you're thinking, so what else is new?

Darn kids getting us all sick.

Little plague carriers, all of them.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Both kids slept all night last night.

And, amazingly, I slept all night last night!

My husband apparently was up half the night coughing up a lung. But, I slept right through it!

It is a small victory, and probably short lived. It is nice to feel like old baby is getting back to his normal routine though.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

My husband and I had to use some extreme measures to keep our oldest son from wondering around the house in the middle of the night. He was coming into our room at all hours, anywhere from midnight on. If he would hop into bed, and fall back to sleep, and I was able to sleep as well, it wouldn't be such an issue. The problem is, that he flops around like a fish, pokes me in the eyeballs and talks to me all night. I felt like I was hung over last Friday - I had the worst headache and I couldn't concentrate on my work.

Friday night, old baby woke up at about 12:30, and came into our room. I marched him back into his bedroom, which he fought the entire way. I tried to coax him back into bed, but to no avail. I finally looked at my husband and said - "we'll just have to leave the room and hold the door shut." Now, what my husband thought of that plan, I don't know. All I do know is that he supported me without question. He even told me to go back to bed and he would hold the door. I heard old baby crying out for at least 20 minutes. And he pulled out all the stops "Mommy, help, PLEASE!" It was so heartbreaking. I didn't even pretend to try and go back to sleep until I knew it was over. He finally quieted down, and he stayed in bed the rest of the night.

Saturday night, he woke up at about the same time. I took him back to his bed. He still wasn't happy about it, but he at least got up onto the foot of the bed. He refused to lay down on his pillow. He yelled at me for pulling the sheet and blanket down, so I smoothed them back up. I gave him a kiss, and left the room. I held onto the doorknob, but he didn't come after me. He just said "Mommy, help please". I went back into the room and he was laying on his pillow. He couldn't get the blankets on, so I helped him, and left the room. I locked our bedroom door on my way back to bed.

About an hour later, I hear a rattle at our door. My husband got up this time. He said that he just led old baby back to his room by the hand, and he hopped right back into bed. He stayed in bed the rest of the night.

On Sunday night, my husband had gone to sleep already, and I was still up waiting for some laundry to finish. At about 10:00, I thought I heard old baby's bedroom door open, but I didn't hear or see anything else. I had to speak sternly to our cat who was trying to stick her nose into my milk. Old baby appeared around the corner with a little smile on his face. I guess he was about to try our bedroom door, but came into the living room when he heard my voice. I said his name, and he instantly turned and ran back into his bed. I followed him to make sure he was covered up, and he started crying. I think he must have thought he was in trouble. Poor kid! I kissed him a few times, and smoothed back his hair. He stopped crying, and stayed in bed the rest of the night.

Monday night - he slept all night. I didn't hear a peep out of him.

On the one hand, I think it's sweet to share our bed with him. On the other hand, I can't function without sleep - nobody can. If he can come to us first thing in the morning and hang out, that's fine. But, I think we did the right thing to help all of us sleep better.

Amazingly, new baby slept right through the whole thing, every time. God does smile on me from time to time!

Monday, April 03, 2006

My blood pressure is finally back to normal. I do not have to start taking blood pressure medication. Yay!!! It could still be lower, so I am going to try to lose weight and start to excercise. I don't know how many times I need to tell myself to do something before I'll actually do it. It is ridiculous! I do need to get back on the bicycle though. The "Tour de Cure" is coming up next month. This will be my 3rd year riding on my sister-in-law's team the "Coffee Clutchers". We ride 10 miles and raise money for diabetes research. I am going to bring old baby along with me this year. I can't wait!