Borderline Retarded

Thursday, September 15, 2005

You were saying???

So, let me just say right now that my last blog entry - nothing but a pile of horse shit.

Pregnancy is not beautiful, or fun. It is messy. It is hard.

Lest you think it's just the hormones talking, let me give you proof......

Yesterday, I was driving along, minding my own business. I was just about to turn into the parking lot at the daycare to pick up my son, when apparently, I decided it would be great fun to puke. I puked in my mouth, and thought, "Dear God, maybe I can make it until I can pull over...". Um, apparently that was not to be. I just kept on puking, and puking and puking. Somehow, I managed to actually pull into the parking lot without hitting any vehicles, buildings, people etc. I stumbled out of the car, puking, over to the bushes, puking. Afterwards, I remembered the scene from "Stand by Me" when the fat kid made himself puke, and made everyone else at the fair puke. By the time I finally stopped, the entire front of me was COVERED in vomit. I started to laugh in that hysterical kind of way. I managed to grab my purse and pull out the two remaining baby wipes to try and at least clean my face and hands. Then, I found my cell phone and called home. Thank God my husband was home and had the good sense to actually answer the phone. I can't even imagine what he must have been thinking.

I looked around at the carnage I had wrought. By some miracle, I had managed to catch all of the vomit on myself, and not get any in the car. Except for the steering wheel, that was a different story. I leaned on the front of the car, trying to remain calm and waited for my savior to arrive with clean clothes. That's when the crying started. I didn't last long though. I was just feeling such a mixture of embarrasment, and sadness I didn't know what I was feeling. I think I scared the crap out of a couple of young Mormon gentleman who happened by on their bicycles. One smiled and said a cheery "Hi!". Then, he actually got a look at me. I think he almost fell off his bike. To their credit, they did stop and discuss between themselves whether or not I needed assistance before pedaling on. I think I heard "possessed" before they took off.

My husband arrived very quickly, and I followed him into the day care center. I just wanted to disappear. He went in first and asked if there was a restroom I could use. Luckily, it was right in the front office. I went in, stripped, and tried to clean myself up. Luckily he had thought to bring a nice big bath towel. To top it off, he picked out a cute outfit too. He really is the best!

I tried to hurry, and was able to make myself presentable before heading back out into the world. My husband and son were waiting for me, and we trekked home. I jumped in the shower, brushed my teeth and gargled for about half an hour before I finally started to feel OK again.

It makes me wonder what is around the bend that I haven't even thought of. It makes me wonder too, what if I didn't have a cell phone? Well, from now on I will keep a change of clothes in the car at all times.

I guess I can't really say that pregnancy is all bad. I can't let that experience taint my good humor. It's not the first time I've puked in the car, probably won't be the last. These things happen to keep you humble, and to make sure you appreciate when things do go smoothly!


  • ROTFL @ the "possessed" comment!!!

    I'm sorry you puked. That does suck. But, if you were possessed weren't the Mormons supposed to help you?

    As Jomama recently said on her blog, "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!" I guess in this case, the power compels your food to actually stay in your stomach. ;)

    By Blogger Reese The Law Girl, at 1:02 PM  

  • So....being pregnant is like going on a bender?

    I have a very similar story, but there was no baby involved.
    I think.
    I don't know for sure, I WAS pretty drunk.

    By Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0, at 1:46 PM  

  • Poor R!!! I hope you are feeling better now.

    By Blogger Passerby A, at 7:32 PM  

  • That really is a horror story...:(

    You're lucky that your hubby was home and was nice enough to bring you a change of clothes. Imagine if he'd been at work! :(

    Hope you're feeling better :)

    By Blogger Mel & Seigo, at 11:36 PM  

  • Feral, Sheryl, Feral!


    Sorry, that's one horrible (yet funny) story. Something to look forward to one day I guess.

    So mormons can be helpful? I've only ever seen them as #&#%&# annoying.

    By Blogger Squishi, at 6:04 PM  

  • At least you have a really good excuse for all that vomiting. For the rest of us, vomiting is one of the more socially unacceptable acts- in front of burping, farting, and spraying Pollock-like the seat of a public toilet but behind stuff like, say, peeing off the front porch in the morning or masturbating in the little shelter whilst awaiting the bus.

    By Blogger Yawn, at 2:40 PM  

  • Hahahahahaha!! I will never look at the bus shelter in the same way again.

    By Blogger Robyn, at 1:04 PM  

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