Borderline Retarded

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Deep Thoughts.......

"I wish I had a cryptonite cross, because then I could keep both Dracula and Superman away."

I have not been writing much lately. It seems like I am moving more slowly with each day. I guess that's to be expected.

I was driving in to work today, when I noticed the absolutely hellacious number of roadkill on hwy 12. I mean, really - what is going on out there? Do all the little woodland creatures get together for a rave and then head out towards all the pretty lights on the highway? I have seen ads for shows like "Dirty Jobs" or something like that. They talk about people whose job it is to go out and pick up roadkill. I don't actually watch those programs, because the odds of projectile vomiting in my house are way higher than you'd expect on an average Tuesday night. Where do these people work? Apparently not anywhere in Northern California.

You'd think that some of our "tourist" dollars could be wisely spent picking up the animal carcasses that will otherwise sit on the side of the road until they turn into jerky. If the tourists can actually make it up valley with the contents of their stomach intact, they are hard core indeed.

At my last job, I worked for a general engineering contractor in St. Helena. We had several employees who ventured down from the mountains to work during the summer, before disappearing again all winter long. One said mountaineer decided to let us in on a secret. He had been driving along a country road in Napa, and noticed deer horns way off the side of the road. He drove past a couple more times, and then decided to investigate. It was a large buck, probably hit by a car, that had died away from the side of the road. He left it, and came back after dark. He loaded the deer onto his truck and drove away. He was amazed at his lucky find, and couldn't believe no one else had claimed it before he did. Luckily, he told me this story several months after enjoying his delicious deer Bologna at the Christmas Eve party. I'm going to assume that the deer in that tasty morsel was from a legally caught deer - nice and fresh. My boss is this grizzled old teamster in his 70's, and even he had a look of what I could only describe as "distaste" on his face.

The roadkill is so bad, that as you're turning your head away from one mangled little body, you run smack dab into another grizzly scene. I've seen raccoons, possums, foxes, mice, skunks (puke, gag, argh!), deer, pigs, turkeys, squirrels, coyotes, dogs, cats and some that were totally unidentifiable as creatures I have seen before. Quite possible we have dead sasquatch on the side of the road up here.

Please, somebody do something!!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

My little man......

I moved the straps on my son's car seat up another notch today.

It seems like he grows half an inch every night. I am just amazed at how fast he is growing - even the way he looks at me is different, more grown up.

They can't stay our little babies forever, can they?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I'm not a witch - I'm your wife!!!!!


Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Monday, November 14, 2005


I saw Cirque du Soleil on Sunday at SBC park in San Francisco. After so much worry over whether I was going to like it or not, it turned out to be an awesome show.

The premise of the show was that a man is asleep, and dreaming. He dreams that he dies, and he sees his funeral. The first part of the show is him laying in state on his bed, and people walking through to view him. An angel appears form the ceiling, and some mischief gets started that makes him wake up and protest that this is his funeral, please leave him the hell alone!

I went to the show with my parents, my younger sister and my older sister and her husband. I rode into the city with my mom and dad and my younger sister. I forgot how much "fun" it was to be stuck in the car with my parents. They bickered almost non-stop the whole way. I knew I was in for it when my mom came up to the door and her hair was in curlers. Somehow she had managed to not get ready in time to leave the house by 11:00. When I was a kid, it was always our fault she wasn't ready on time. I don't know what her excuse it now! I tried not to think about the drive into the city with my mother sitting in the front seat with her hair in curlers. I guess after you have a kid if your own you no longer feel any humility. I was getting extremely nervous though as we approached our destination and she still hadn't taken the curlers out. I was this close to ripping them off her head myself. I always get nervous watching her apply makeup while we're driving too. I always wonder if my dad ever has the desire to swerve just as she's applying the mascara.

My older sister didn't help matters by calling us constantly to give us random directions that were contradictory to the directions my dad had printed out. However, we made it with time to spare.

I think what I enjoyed most about the show was the fact that the music was played live by musicians. The music was enjoyable all on its own. The conductor also sang, and his voice was beautiful. It seems to me that this show had an Italian flair to it. It is hard to pin down exactly what my favorite part of the show was, but at one point they have this tiny little woman, about the size of a 2 year old, suspended by 5 gigantic balloons. Her tiny slippered feet were resting in the palm of the dreaming man, and he sent her floating over the audience. Her name was Balentina, and she had the cutest little voice, heavily accented, French I believe. She would land on the outstretched palm of an audience member, and they would push her back up and over.

Just wonderful. I can't wait until my son is old enough to take to these kind of shows.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


I have been at my current job for just over two years. I am still the "new kid" as there are people who have been working here almost since day one 25 years ago.

My first office was right underneath the stairwell, making me feel somewhat like a troll.

I had noticed that there was a gigantic gouge in the wood on the outside of the door. I wondered about it, but I am not very curious by nature, so I never thought to ask what had happened to it.

My friend Keri was standing at the door talking to me one day when she noticed the gouge. She strokes it and says, "I remember this day!". So, I settled myself in for a good story.

Apparently, sometime within the last 10 years, we had an HR / Safety Compliance Manager who worked out of the corporate office. His office is located right next to mine. This Manager is married to the owner's niece. We have several co-workers who are related to the owners in some way or other. He was an interesting fellow. I was told that he actually drove his whole family off a bridge once, wife kids and all. Luckily nobody was killed, but he was never quite the same after that. One night, one of the owner's sons was working in his upstairs office. He smelled smoke, and heard this manager start to yell "Fire!". Luckily, he made it down the stairs because there is no other way out from the second story, except a long drop to a very hard concrete warehouse floor.

They were the only two employees left in the office - it was after 5:00. The fire department arrived. The gouge in my office door happened when the firefighters tried to bust it open with an axe.

The HR manager told this bizarre story of an irate truck driver who chased him around the front office, and set fire to the place. There was much panic among the employees here, as you can imagine. We had an irate arsonist truck driver running around loose - God only knows what he would do next. The owners immediately put a security measure into action involving electronic padlocks on all the entrances to the warehouse and the front office. I figure all someone has to do is jump the reception desk, but when you're freaked out you don't always think things through. There were write ups in the paper, and an investigation by the fire department went underway.

What they found as they were picking through the debris was that the fire originated from the HR manager's office. They found an entire can of gasoline and matches next to his desk. The paperwork was set ablaze in a giant pile right underneath his desk.

As the story unfolded, it came out that the HR manager was unprepared for an audit that was scheduled in the near future, so his solution was to set fire to all of his paperwork. I understand that he served some jail time, and underwent psychiatric evaluation, but I'm not too sure if he is still locked up or not.

People around the office make little jokes from time to time about the "firebug", but nobody really thinks it's all that funny. I think if the owner's son hadn't been here it wouldn't be so dire. I think he has a hard time coming to grips with how close he came to losing him.

I have to say that is officially the weirdest story of any place I have ever worked.

Friday, November 04, 2005

What to wear.......

I have been browsing the Motherhood Maternity website - drooling over new clothes. Normally, I could give two figs about clothing, but I am feeling the need to look nice lately. They have such cute tops. Maybe I can save up some money, and buy myself one nice holiday outfit. I can wear it to hubby's family Thanksgiving, and my family Christmas, and nobody will know I wore it twice!!!

Actually, what I need to do is clean my garage this weekend. There is still a bag of maternity clothes lurking around somewhere with at least one very cute top and a denim skirt in it. I have been looking high and low for that sucker for the past 8 months! It would be nice to have something other than the same five pieces of clothing to pick from! Do we want to place any bets on whether I actually clean out the garage or not?

I think we will take a nice family portrait for Christmas this year. I got a coupon from Sears for 35 photos for $9.99. Can't beat that! Maybe we can splurge and get the holiday greeting cards too. While this makes Christmas shopping extremely simple, it is kind of a bummer not to be able to buy something special for my someone's special. However, since they get a new baby out of the deal, I think they will manage!

I am trying to think of something crafty to make for my husband for Christmas that isn't too lame. Not an easy task! Luckily the boy is way too young still to even fathom the idea of gifts or Christmas. As usual, he will be showered with gifts from the family. I do need to get him a replacement copy of Eric Carle's "The Very Busy Spider". I spilled his sippy cup of milk on it, and the pages got stuck together, and ripped the pictures off when I tried to get them apart.

I am looking forward to the holidays. It is normally a busy and stressful time, but this year will be different, and very special. I am not going to run around like a crazed maniac trying to get everything done last minute. I am going to be relaxing at home, getting the house and family ready for our new arrival. I am looking forward to being able to just "show up" at the holiday parties for once, and not bring a carload of food and gifts. I can't wait until the family Christmas party. They can plop me down right next to Grandma, and we'll hang out all afternoon. I used to visit with my family all year round as a kid, but we are all so busy nowadays, Christmas is about the only time you're guaranteed to see everyone.

The end of the year is coming so quickly - faster than I could have imagined! This pregnancy does seem to me moving much faster than my first. Probably because I have my little guy to chase around, and not as much time to sit and let my mind wander. I think I prefer it this way!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

One of life's little mysteries is solved!

I was able to close the book on something today that was never very pressing on my mind, but amusing nonetheless.

For the past several years, my husband and I lived on one end of town, and I still work on that same end of town. Every so often, we would hear someone's car horn sound off in the distance. It was one of those horns that plays "La Cukaracha", or "Low Rider" or something like that. My husband always commented on it, because the very last note of the song would always be flat, and therefore sour the rest of his day.

I continue to hear this horn quite often while I am at work. I always thought it belonged to some promotional vehicle at one of the car dealerships, but I shouldn't be able to hear anything from the car dealerships out here. I guessed it belonged on the car of one of our employees who parked in the lower lot.

Well, today I was hauling a couple of packages out to my car when the taco truck came rambling into the parking lot, and sounded it's horn. Low and behold, it played a very moving rendition of the theme from "The Godfather". All of those little bits of information fell into place, and now I will always know what I am hearing when the horn sounds. Here in Napa, we keep an amazing number of taco trucks in business. I guess they needed a way to keep themselves apart from the ice cream trucks, as well as alert all of those hungry workers.

Now, the trick is to not start salivating and chase after the truck when I do hear it!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Baby Candy

I received this e-mail from someone at work with the following message:


I laughed and laughed! I had already gotten the same e-mail from someone else at work, but not with the description that this was supposed to be candy. I prefer my candy to have a little bit less hair.


I haven't posted in a while - I have been feeling crummy!

I think I have been having an adverse reaction to the flu shot I got on Saturday. My body aches all over, and I'm having trouble keeping my food down. Plus, I feel like it's a zillion degrees outside. I just tried eating again, let's hold hands and pray it stays down!

I am going to call my doctor, finish up the payroll, and head home and crawl into bed.

On the plus side, I noticed that the lovely puke stain I left in the parking lot of my son's daycare back in September has finally disappeared. Yay me!