Borderline Retarded

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Deep Thoughts.......

"I wish I had a cryptonite cross, because then I could keep both Dracula and Superman away."

I have not been writing much lately. It seems like I am moving more slowly with each day. I guess that's to be expected.

I was driving in to work today, when I noticed the absolutely hellacious number of roadkill on hwy 12. I mean, really - what is going on out there? Do all the little woodland creatures get together for a rave and then head out towards all the pretty lights on the highway? I have seen ads for shows like "Dirty Jobs" or something like that. They talk about people whose job it is to go out and pick up roadkill. I don't actually watch those programs, because the odds of projectile vomiting in my house are way higher than you'd expect on an average Tuesday night. Where do these people work? Apparently not anywhere in Northern California.

You'd think that some of our "tourist" dollars could be wisely spent picking up the animal carcasses that will otherwise sit on the side of the road until they turn into jerky. If the tourists can actually make it up valley with the contents of their stomach intact, they are hard core indeed.

At my last job, I worked for a general engineering contractor in St. Helena. We had several employees who ventured down from the mountains to work during the summer, before disappearing again all winter long. One said mountaineer decided to let us in on a secret. He had been driving along a country road in Napa, and noticed deer horns way off the side of the road. He drove past a couple more times, and then decided to investigate. It was a large buck, probably hit by a car, that had died away from the side of the road. He left it, and came back after dark. He loaded the deer onto his truck and drove away. He was amazed at his lucky find, and couldn't believe no one else had claimed it before he did. Luckily, he told me this story several months after enjoying his delicious deer Bologna at the Christmas Eve party. I'm going to assume that the deer in that tasty morsel was from a legally caught deer - nice and fresh. My boss is this grizzled old teamster in his 70's, and even he had a look of what I could only describe as "distaste" on his face.

The roadkill is so bad, that as you're turning your head away from one mangled little body, you run smack dab into another grizzly scene. I've seen raccoons, possums, foxes, mice, skunks (puke, gag, argh!), deer, pigs, turkeys, squirrels, coyotes, dogs, cats and some that were totally unidentifiable as creatures I have seen before. Quite possible we have dead sasquatch on the side of the road up here.

Please, somebody do something!!


  • I'd be more concerned if you saw Kangaroos and Wombats!

    Seriously, heading North or South from Sydney on the freeways, it's just like you've described. Roos and Wombats and foxes about the rate of 1 per kilometre at best. (Remembering the roo and the wombat might die, but your car is a write off if you've hit one!).

    I've seen the guys on the Federal Highway pick up the dead roos, but they do it every 3 or so days, once the carcasses are flyblown and the crows and magpies have had a go.

    But people can hit as many foxes as they want in my opinion. They're not native and kill all the small native animals. DIE DIE DIE!

    By Blogger Squishi, at 2:11 PM  

  • There have been a lot around here, too. Especially lots of cats, which I think is weird (although I caused one of them last night SOB).

    And, on a side note- my dad told me once that it costs $15 to clean one deer up off of the road. He told me about how many deer needed to be cleaned up, too, but I've forgotten that. Which is a pity, because it was a HUGE amount of deer...resulting in a few million worth of dead-deer picking-up.

    How are you feeling, anyway? Did the morning sickness go away? Sorry if you've mentioned it, I haven't been reading/commenting much lately!

    By Blogger PSUMommy, at 4:20 PM  

  • That was pleasant.

    I had a friend in high school...well, not really a friend, more like an obligated companion (we shared a carpool)...who purposefully mowed down squirrels whenever there was an opportunity. She's then stop and cut off their tails (granted, they were not necessarily dead yet, but surely on their way)...she had a wooden box in her car with all these matted, crusty squirrel tails in it.

    Now that I think about it, what's wrong with my mother? Why didn't she drive me to school herself!?!

    By Blogger lolalane, at 2:24 AM  

  • I hadn't noticed so much, but you're right - you can't look away from one kill without seeing another.

    It reminds me of the Kids in the Hall sketch where Bruce Mcculloch scrapes the remains and sells them to the rich.

    Sorry. That probably didn't help.

    By Blogger KOM, at 9:27 AM  

  • I think the phrase "delicious deer bologna" is probably one of the best I've heard all year. And the best part is that it's all true.

    By Blogger Elle Marie, at 11:30 AM  

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