Borderline Retarded

Monday, March 27, 2006

Houston, we have a problem

It seems like 4:00 am is the "witching hour" at the homestead. Everything exciting happens at 4 in the morning, if it is going to happen at all.

This morning at 4:00 am we had a 2 year old with a wardrobe malfunction.

It started off with a rattling at our bedroom doorknob. I, apparently being the only sensible one that early in the morning, knew exactly who it was. My husband, on the other hand, apparently thought the Russians were coming because he started up in bed and, if I didn't know him better, I'd have thought he was reaching for a firearm! Old baby finally got the door open, and as I started to lift him up, I noticed that he was sopping wet. I mean, all the way to his toes. I obviously had done a piss poor (pun intended) job of putting on his diaper before bed. As a matter of fact, his diaper was the only dry thing on him!

I marched him back to his room and put him in some dry clothes. I checked his bed, and there was a sizeable wet spot. I wasn't much in the mood to be making the bed, and new baby was starting to wake up. I put old baby back into our bed, and tucked him. Of course, that didn't last very long!

I fed the baby what seemd like a reasonable amount, and put him back in his crib. Old baby decided waffles were a good idea, so I set him up at the kitchen table. During this process, new baby decided that he hadn't quite had his fill, and started fussing. I fed him some more from his bottle, and he went right back down to sleep. I cleaned up old baby after his waffles, and set him up on the couch with his Disney channel and a nice warm blanket. I then shuffled back to bed and slid under the nice warm covers.

The next 2 hours involved me falling asleep and instantly waking up as old baby found some new musical instrument or other to bang on. I don't know how he managed to drag out the xylophone, it was firmly wedged behind an immovable wooden toybox for a reason! It actually didn't sound half bad. He managed to play a perfect scale! Either that, or I was hallucinating. It made me think of Dana Carvey and how he joked about the cat poouncing on the piano in the middle of the night, and how it didn't sound half bad!

I had such a hard time dragging myself out of bed. But, after I got into the shower I wasn't feeling too poorly. I was only half an hour late to work! But, the bags under my eyes have helped me win over a very sympathetic audience!


  • Laugh now, but Red Dawn was the best documentary ever filmed.

    Damn vodka swilling reds.

    By Blogger KOM, at 12:30 AM  

  • yay for old baby. You might have a budding mozart. But then again, at 4am... i'd be more likely to strangle the child than encourage him.

    It's no wonder I don't have kids.


    By Blogger Squishi, at 5:06 AM  

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