Ding Dong, PMS Calling!

As I was busy munching on my 5th chocolate chip cookie last night, it dawned on me that I might be feeling a bit cranky because of PMS. I have gone my entire life without any real troubles in that area. Then, I turned 30 and my body just went to hell. I get bloated, crampy and very snippy. Of course, snippy on me is barely discernible from my normal jolly self, so nobody ever notices. Except for my poor dear old husband. That poor man has to put up with so much!

I'm still in my new role as housekeeper. I have really enjoyed having a clean house and 6 days is truly a record for me. I did not sit down at all last night however, until it was time to eat dinner. I figure that's just the way it goes. It's good for me to be up and running anyway, it's healthy. I hadn't noticed, but I have been grunting a lot lately getting up from the couch. The last time I did that was when I was pregnant, and had every right in the world to make as many grunty noises as necessary. My husband looked at me and said "are you all right?" You've been making those noises for almost a week now." I stopped for a second, and said "Well, actually, my back hurts, my feet hurt and I am completely exhausted". I bit my tongue though from saying "I am so sorry my fatigue and pain are so annoying to you!!" I was absolutely shocked at myself for even thinking that thought. I am kind of known for being a sarcastic ass, but that came dangerously close to being bitchy. I guess it's a finer line than I ever realized.

I don't think anyone, least of all my husband, would ever accuse me of being like my mother. She is a very bitter negative sort of person, and I never have understood her. Until I got married and had a child. I started to see some reasons why she might be that way, and it truly sucked to realize that I actually played a huge part in her being the way she was. I always wanted to chalk it up to her personality, but truth be told, my sisters, dad and I broke her. I saw some little parts of me headed that direction after old baby was about 10 months old. I would do things like lose my mind when I saw an empty toilet paper roll. I would sit there and just seethe in anger at the thoughtlessness of it all. That's when I looked in the mirror and saw my mother looking back at me. I think she mouthed the words "I told you so", but I'm not too sure. I took some major introspective time to analyze these alien feelings I was having. I started to have conversations with my husband in my head before actually having them out loud, and I was able to resolve a lot. One of the things I learned was to say "how do I know I wasn't the one who did that". That would usually stop me dead and then the sun would come out from behind the clouds. I realized that I needed to focus on what was truly important to us as a family, and not confuse the issues.

Here's to working on being Sarcastra, not Bitch Goddess!!