Borderline Retarded

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Dear Santa,

I want a neck massager for Christmas. Not one of those "personal massagers" aka "dildos" that are advertised on TV (do they really think they're fooling us?).

This would work:

The Cervical Massage System, CMS-300, is the culmination of years of research and development which has lead to this extraordinary system that emulates techniques used by massage and chiropractic professionals.Human Touch Technology® starts with a multi-patent mechanism that works like human hands. The flexible nodes move three-dimensionally to approximate the human touchCervical Massage System cms-300 Neck Massager Features and Benefits
Rest your neck in the soothing "hands" of Human Touch Technology (HTT). HTT emulates techniques used by chiropractors, massage therapists and physical therapists.
Massage your cervical region to reduce neck pain caused by stress and tension developed in the muscles that run from the back of the head across the back of the shoulder (trapezius muscle).
The "hands" consist of 2, three-dimensionally moving flexible nodes that approximate the feel of human hands.
A simple handheld controller allows you to lay on your back and control the massage functions. 3 Cycle Rates.
The foam pillow supports your head during your massage.
A removable outer cover allows you to clean the CMS-300 Neck Massager *
Manufacturer One Year Warranty





  • The Cervical Massage System?!

    By Blogger Elle Marie, at 11:21 AM  

  • I know, sounds suspicious doesn't it? I also raised an eyebrow when they listed down that the cover is removable to wash it.

    I think they mean cervical vertabrae?

    By Blogger Robyn, at 11:29 AM  

  • I would think the second one is better designed for cervical massage.

    But then again, I failed biology in grade 9.

    By Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan, at 6:00 AM  

  • There are massages and then there are massages. I don't know anything about pillow neck massagers, but the turkey baster pictured below it? Wouldn't put that sucker anywhere near my "cervical" area. If you want a good cervix massager, I can suggest a few places to go to. The turkey baster looks like a really bad prop from a B-grade sci fi movie.

    Cynical Woman

    By Blogger Helen, at 5:12 PM  

  • mwhahhahaha.

    I can't even comment, i'm laughing so hard

    By Blogger Squishi, at 3:52 AM  

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