Borderline Retarded

Friday, August 05, 2005

Thanks JOAT.........

Your post about the difference between Phuc and Fuck made me remember my 7th grade English teacher (what the phuc was his name?).

He was an interesting fellow from day one. He had the beer belly, the old shriveled navy tattoo on his forearm, and the wicked bad comeover. He barely had 4 strands of hair pasted to the top of his head, which he gingerly picked at non-stop with his fingers. Gross.

He spoke in non-sensical words constantly. Phrases like, honka-a-chewey, uga-boogie and hog snot. He would also alter peoples names, for example: Jennifer Ward he would call Wennifer Jard.

He told us why he talked like that. He was in the Navy during World War II, on a battleship. When he came home to Georgia after the war he was swearing like, well, a sailor! His grandmother and his mother put the smack down and told him it was unacceptable to talk that way. So, he created these phrases to spit out whenever he felt like swearing, and kept from breaking his poor mother's heart. We all kind of wondered why in his old age, he spoke practically nothing but nonsense. I think the man's brain was starting to go south!

As I mentioned he also liked to fart around with peoples names. he didn't bother with mine, because my last name had too many syllables. Lucky me. He would have you walk to the front of the room to pick up your test papers or homework, calling out : Wennifer Jard, Fristen Klint, Revin Katkovich, when all of a sudden he got to poor Shelly Smith. She had the honor of being call "Smelly Shit" and then having to walk in frontof the whole class to pick up her paper. I don't think he even apologized but just kind of ignored the whole thing. W were all too stunned. It was more of a collective gasp than an all out laugh. We didn't blame old Smelly, but we sure got a lot of mileage out of that one!

4 Comments:

  • HAHAHAHHAHA
    HAHHAHA
    HAHHAHA
    HAHHAHAHAHHAH

    from someone who was called "Smelly Shellie" for half her life (damned hurtful kids) I now realise it wasn't so bad after all.

    HAHAHAHAHHAH

    By Blogger Squishi, at 12:01 AM  

  • Smelly Shit is too damn funny I had one of those names ppl could not fuck with either laters....

    By Blogger PORTER SR, at 6:13 AM  

  • Poor Smelly. :(

    I'd STILL call her that if I met her now!
    That's too funny to waste.

    By Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0, at 9:12 AM  

  • Much Like the kid I called Casey Port o Pt because his name was Casey Porter......that one REALLY came back to haunt me....(look at my hubby's last name) My friends STILL don't let that one die down.

    By Blogger Kaci, at 9:12 AM  

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