Borderline Retarded

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A little tale about Borderline Retarded.......

Gather around children, and I will tell you a tale........

P.S. - this entire post is a rant about my mom. I have to get this off my chest every now and again!!

I spend a lot of time thinking about my mom, and how she pisses me off all the time. She is such a unique individual, I have never met anyone like her. I've heard tales of people almost like her, but they always turn out to have other problems, like the fact that they are alcoholics or something. My mom is just a nutjob by her own means. She has been this way my whole life. As a youngster, I would live in fear of her, because she would get angry at the most random things, and hunt you down and drag you around the house by your hair. If you sat on her bed, she would wake you up out of a sound sleep in the middle of the night to come and smooth the comforter before she pulled the sheets down to go to bed. If you fill up the dishwasher with dirty dishes, she'll come in after you and re-arrange everything in there so it "washes better". I can understand why my father who is an engineer and worked on nuclear subs for 25 years gets pissed off at her so much. She does weird shit like that all day long, every day. I would never move back home if my life depended on it.

She calls me "baby" and calls herself "mommy", and gives hugs that last too long and kisses that are too noisy. She takes the joy out of watching a sunset by loudly exclaiming "LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT IS. ARE YOU LOOKING? LOOK AT THAT!" She always has to put in her 2 cents, even if it's a subject she's never heard of before. I'm beginning to wonder if there is such a thing. You would think that she has a degree in medicine, psychology and education on her wall. Plus she is a lawyer and a chef. Even if I'm asking my dad a question about landscaping or plumbing, she chirps in with her opnion. A lot of the time her opinion is just common sense that everybody knows.

This past weekend, I had my son by the hand and told him "look both ways before you cross the street". My mom was walking behind us, and said, "Oh, do you remember that?" Like, from when I was a kid. How do you even answer a question like that? I would have to be an imbecile not to "remember" to look both ways before I cross the street. My husband just thought she meant that she had taught us in some unique way when were younger how to cross the street.

She will go on and on for half an hour "educating" you about something you just happen to casually mention, and then say, "did you know that?". I find that to be very rude. She controls every aspect of every conversation. She's like one of those guys who always caught a bigger fish, or always saw the same thing just bigger and better than you did. She can never just sit back and not say anything. She always has to be right too. I asked my grandmother if she was always like that. She said she didn't think so. I think that by the time I was a teenager my mother, being the oldest of 6 kids, was tired of being the one in charge of everything, and started to get resentful of absolutely everything.

The woman can hold a grudge too. My older sister got married, and it was this 2 year long event of planning and re-planning and over-planning. My younger sis and I were asked to be part of the wedding party. I was surprised because I thought she had wanted it to be only Matron of Honor and Best Man. After the wedding, my sister told me about a story my mom told her. My auntie is one year younger than my mom, and she got married about a year before my parents did. My aunt didn't ask my mom to be a bridesmaid, and it hurt her feelings. The major problem with that is that her feelings are still hurt! My sister was scared not to ask us to be in her wedding. I told my sister that I was very honored to be in her wedding, but she could have not invited me at all - it was her wedding! It's not my place to get upset at her for any decisions she makes. I was sorry that she hadn't said something before. I was planning my wedding at the time, and I'm glad she warned me because I got the same guilt trip about not asking my sisters to be in my wedding. But, my sisters and I talked about it. That's what people do, they talk about the issues they have with each other!!

My son is a little bit afraid of her, because every time she sees him, she grabs at him and forces him to come to her. For that reason, he will give everyone in the room a hug and kiss, and turn his face away from her. That really hurts her feelings, and I have no doubt that she will be telling him about it for the rest of his life. "remember when you were little and wouldn't kiss me?" That will be great. But, I try really hard to stand up for my son, and my husband. I won't let her push me around when it comes to them. It will be my way or the highway. Right now I'm struggling with getting her to not overreact when my son falls down. She'll run over and grab him and moan and groan right in his ear. I always say, "Mom, please stop making that noise". and she'll say "but didn't you hear that thunk? He really hurt himself!". And I'll have to say, "Yes, he hurt himself. Moaning right into his ear doesn't help him feel any better!". She always has some snide comment to come back with, like I haven't been a mother long enough yet to know what she knows.

I know that it seems like all girls have their issues with their mothers. I can't help but think it must be a biological phenomenon, and it probably has some really cool psych term attached to it. But, I feel better now having bled out some of these thoughts. I would hate to have dinner with her tomorrow night and be just perched on the edge of my seat waiting for something totally insane to happen. That's no way to live!! You guys are the best therapy a girl could ask for.


  • And that time you used a WIRE HANGER! WIRE HANGER!

    By Blogger KOM, at 4:45 PM  

  • I so afraid that my girl would write a post like that about me 30 years later. My own relationship with my mom has been stormy and is still stormy. But now that I'm a mommy too, I can understand why she did what she did...

    By Blogger Passerby A, at 5:24 PM  

  • I was a brainwashed puppet being the youngest. I was controlled in thought, clothing and actions. It took until i left school to realise it, when i hit the real world. I was resentful for YEARS, but last week found great respect for her when i split with my boyfriend.

    She didn't once say "I told you so" or "just get over it", nor did she push the issue. She just was THERE and that's all that mattered to me, not being alone.

    Sometimes, no matter what the past is, you just need your mum.

    By Blogger Squishi, at 3:52 AM  

  • amen sister... I love my mom.. but in small doses =)

    and actually, I think she feels the same way about me, so it all works out in the end!

    By Blogger Lisa, at 7:31 AM  

  • You know, when you started your post, I was thinking 'HA! Yes, but she hasn't met MY mother!' but I think yours takes the cake.

    As for the overreacting when your son falls- now that is an Every Grandmother Must Do So They Feel Special Because They Are Then 'Easily' Able To Calm Down The Frightened Child. Its in the grandma handbook. The same goes for when they're wailing in the crib (because they're utterly exhausted, but Gramma will NOT stop talking in a voice akin to a screech)...they *must* say things like 'But what if he's trying to stand & hit his head? Or what if his leg is stuck? What if he fell OUT of the crib, then aliens took him and how he's been replaced by their look-alike?' Okay, I made that last one up, but the whole thing pisses me off in general. Because She had Three Children, so She Knows Better.

    Umm...sorry. Spent a whole day with my mother yesterday, so I have some built-up anger today, lol.

    By Blogger PSUMommy, at 7:55 AM  

  • Oh, and I wanted to add...KUDOS to you for sticking up for you husband and your child. My mother-in-law is nuts (doing the forcing my kids to "cuddle" with her thing, so now they HATE it and do their best to avoid her among other things) but my husband doesn't say a word. He just tries to get my daughter to cuddle with her so my mother-in-law will shut up. Because she can hold a grudge for-freaking-EVER.

    By Blogger PSUMommy, at 7:57 AM  

  • I guess I must have this laid back stoner mom.cause she is alway's just chillin around me and my kiddo's she doesn't smother my son or my daughter (at least not in my presance)and she doesn't hold grudes.She does let my older sister walk all over her though till I tell my mom to tell sis to phuc off *lol* I guess I'm lucky.

    By Blogger PORTER SR, at 1:23 PM  

  • My mother in law is that way. She is very low key, and my father in law is the same way. They never interfere with us, they let us live our lives. And they like each other too, which is a nice change!

    By Blogger Robyn, at 1:40 PM  

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